Hope everyone had a lovely Mother’s Day! In light of that holiday, let’s chat about this week’s topic…
Do you want kids? Why or why not? When? What do you like about your life now with/without kids, versus the alternative?
For the record, that is my niece. I am happily childless at this time in my life.
I never thought about having kids much growing up. I kind of just assumed I would want them and have them, like most of the people I knew.
Once my sister had a baby, I started to really think about it. Not only do I identify with my sister a lot and try to relate to whatever she is going through, but we also tell each other EVERYTHING. So I got the full scoop of what it was like to be pregnant for her and give birth. Do you know how many alarming things are just NOT talked about when having babies comes up? A lot, is the answer.
I also moved in with my sister and her family after grad school, when she was pregnant with my niece and Ben was two. I got to know all about life with a newborn and a toddler, all at once. And it was very different from going to happy hour almost every day and only having to worry about finishing my thesis on time.
So the past few years I have fallen madly in love with my niece and nephew, but also started thinking about the possibility of not having kids. Anthony also stayed with his baby twin nieces for a few weeks when they were born and when they were a few months old and has the same kind of mind set as me right now. Basically, it feels nice to have the option to opt out and just love the shit out of our nieces and nephews.
I have come to the conclusion that I want to give myself ten years to think about it and have my time to myself. Ten years sounds like such a long time, and it always puts me at ease. I have TEN YEEEEARS before I decide. My mom had me at 36, and I never was attached to the idea of being a “young” mom. A lot of my friends want to have kids by 30. Now that seems a little too soon – Anthony is almost 28. Anyway, that little rule makes me feel less panicky about the whole thing. I know it’s a totally arbitrary time frame – it just makes me feel better.
Things that would be cool about not having kids:
- We could spend all of our money on
travelour student loans instead of diapers, college funds, etc.
- We could move cities, change jobs, or pursue random dreams while only thinking of the impact on us two
- We could sleep a lot for eternity.
- We could get dogs and pour all of our love onto them
- We wouldn’t have to worry about the toll it could take on our relationship
- My body could be spared from many disturbing things
Things that would be cool about having kids…eventually:
- My body could go through some amazing things that I can’t even imagine. I would feel like a walking miracle – and super powerful.
- I could see attributes of my partner and my family in my kids. How crazy is that?
- We could just MAKE awesome people like us to hang out with. (I kind of just want to skip to when they’re in college and we can all just hang out and have beers and just have cool friends that we happened to have raised.)
- They would be super cute (obviously).
- And here’s the kicker. The one I know will probably get me in the end…..
I always want to grow and learn and move on to a new experience when I feel like I’ve gotten my fill of one stage of life, or relationship, or what have you (uumm, just like the rest of the world). I know that once I have been in a relationship for however long, and I have a career and a place of my own, I’ll be looking around for what’s next. What is my next challenge? What is my next relationship that I can learn from? And when all of my friends start reaching that stage in their life, I will feel the pull to relate to them and share experiences.
I just hope everyone gives me a few years to….sleep a lot first.
NEXT WEEK’S PROMPT
Have you ever lived alone? If so, did you/do you like it? How was it different from your living situation now? If you’ve never lived alone, what would you do differently living by yourself compared to how you live now?
Hope you guys had a great weekend! Remember, if you want to join in, let us know your thoughts in the comments or link to your response on your blog/Tumblr/Facebook/whatever. Hope to hear from you!