~

Dear Jonas Brother,

Um, why does your album have a parental advisory thing? YOU JUST TURNED YOUR BACK ON THE KIDS, JONAS BROTHER.

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Oh, hi, P.S.: YOUR “JEALOUS” SONG IS BARBARIC. And way too fucking catchy, thanks a lot.

~

Dear Everyone,

Does anyone remember how awesome R&B duets used to be? Ahem, ONE SWEET DAY??

 

 

I need more. It’s been YEARS. And I know, “No Air” tried. They had everything going for them besides those lyrics (“How do you expect me to live alone with just ME??!!”) – I think an 11 year old wrote them. It seriously sounds like my journal entries from junior high.

I got excited when Ariana Grande came out with “Love me Harder”, with The Weekend. It’s not epic, but would have at least helped my withdrawal symptoms for a while… except that they missed one crucial point: they don’t sing together. Ever, unless I missed something. It’s like they can’t bother to show up in the same studio on the same day anymore (One Sweet Day even has PROOF that they were in the same studio). At least Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks did the awesome screamy pop runs in unison after the bridge on No Air. That’s what a duet is about, people. We need it back.

~

To Every Pop Star Ever: you need to try to be more like this, period:

Can we talk about Nicki Minaj for a second? Because obviously there are no words to describe Beyonce’s awesomeness. Anyway, that smile she flashes at the end of her rap! Kills me every time! (yes, I watch this regularly). And that body suit! I can’t even deal. And the moment that Beyonce and Nicki start almost dancing with (on?) each other…. If I walked into a club and saw that I think I would faint.

Okay, I do have something I want to say about Beyonce – who wears a hat like that, and like, wipes their mouth all weird while staring open-mouthed at the camera, and is THAT AMAZING.

~

One Direction,

I was excited about the come-back of boy bands, because I really (really really) miss N’Sync. Sorry – N*Sync.

But then I saw you perform on the Grammy’s or something and you did the unforgivable: you didn’t. dance.

What the hell, guys?

You just jumped off stuff at key moments and kind of just, jumped around and flailed your little boy limbs.

So we were in a fight. But then you really made me an offer I couldn’t refuse when you came out with Steal My Girl. Omigod, guys. That song is amazing.

 

 

There is still a lot to be desired as far as even singing goes, but that song is just too good.

But seriously, get to dancin. Because what the hell is a boy band who doesn’t dance? I really feel bad for the generation of girls who follow you – they don’t even know what they’re missing.

~

Ariana Grande,

I feel like I want to like you. I’m really into your hair color and your ponytails.

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And you have good producers. And I love that song where you’re like, THIS IS THE PART WHERE I SAY I DON’T WANNAAA

…but then…you don’t really give me that Beyonce or Mariah vibe where you make it look so easy to sing the most insane notes. You kind of seem like you’re trying pretty hard to sing your notes. Which is fine, I guess. Maybe you’ll come out with a Steal My Girl move and we’ll be BFFs all of a sudden. Actually I’m pretty positive that that is what will happen. See you then, girlfriend.

~

Do you guys ever have all the feelings about top 40 songs, too? What’s bugging you lately? What song is your guilty pleasure?

 

 Image via Rolling Stone

6 Comments on Dear Pop Stars:

  1. Mary
    January 5, 2015 at 8:17 am (3 years ago)

    OMG YES. That is exactly exactly it and I totally watched Flawless and fell in LOVE with Niki’s smile! Like gah. Shot in the heart.

    Reply
    • Stephanie
      January 5, 2015 at 8:39 am (3 years ago)

      We might watch that Flawless video almost every Friday night when Amanda comes over… It’s addicting.

      Reply
  2. Janet
    January 5, 2015 at 4:02 pm (3 years ago)

    R&B to me screams Temptations, Four Tops all the old Motown. I know I’m showing my age, ask your parents. I’m still humming in my head “Call me Maybe” from two summers ago!

    Reply
    • Stephanie
      January 6, 2015 at 9:57 am (3 years ago)

      Haha Janet, I think we all still have Call Me Maybe stuck in our heads! I love R&B in all forms :)

      Reply
      • Janet
        January 6, 2015 at 2:18 pm (3 years ago)

        And how about Uptown Funk, Bruno Mars and
        Mark Ronson. Can’t hear that without smiling.

        Reply
        • Stephanie
          January 6, 2015 at 2:36 pm (3 years ago)

          Omigod I love that song!! Feels like I’m in another decade! Love it

          Reply

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