I met Anthony on OkCupid, as you may have read a while back.
I had met my last boyfriend via the site as well, and felt pretty good about online dating. I didn’t have big expectations, but I felt like it was putting me across the table from someone I had a lot in common with, at the least. Which was a huge improvement, since my other boyfriends before OkCupid seemed to have nothing in common with me, then and now, although they are great guys.
When I met Anthony, it was clear that OkCupid had put me across the table from not only someone I had a ton in common with, but someone who was really good for me. Here was a guy who was hilarious, mellow, emotionally healthy, and smart (all things I was looking for). Oh and cute. So cute.
So what happened? I friendzoned him for a few months.
Why the hell did I do that? I don’t really know exactly. Sometimes I think I wasn’t used to the type of dynamic we had, and it threw me off. Sometimes I think I wasn’t that attracted to him at first, and our chemistry just hit me later for some reason. Sometimes I think that I thought I was ready for a serious relationship, but I actually wasn’t. I had just moved to a new city (like, a week before I met him), and I think I kind of ran scared. Maybe I needed to be single for a little longer in this new exciting city.
Whatever the reason, it seems like I made a choice not to fall in love with Anthony right away. Within a few weeks of dating (after the friendzone limbo was over), I said “I love you” (and he didn’t say it back for about 2 weeks – karma). So as soon as I let the idea sink in that he was the person I should be with, it took no time at all to fall in love.
Did I decide not to fall in love at first, and then change my mind? Did I deliberately fall in love when I wanted to? Do we have control over this kind of thing? Or am I just weird?
I started thinking of it in this way after I read this fascinating article from the NY Times. It just completely inspired me and blew my mind. I might go home and make Anthony answer all these questions just for fun. I love articles and topics like this – I was a social scientist in a past life, so I completely nerd out on this stuff.
I am dying to know what you think of this. Can we really just decide to fall in love? Or are we just victims of love’s whims and we have absolutely no control? Maybe a little of both?
Please weigh in in the comments!