I met Anthony on OkCupid, as you may have read a while back.

I had met my last boyfriend via the site as well, and felt pretty good about online dating. I didn’t have big expectations, but I felt like it was putting me across the table from someone I had a lot in common with, at the least. Which was a huge improvement, since my other boyfriends before OkCupid seemed to have nothing in common with me, then and now, although they are great guys.

When I met Anthony, it was clear that OkCupid had put me across the table from not only someone I had a ton in common with, but someone who was really good for me. Here was a guy who was hilarious, mellow, emotionally healthy, and smart (all things I was looking for). Oh and cute. So cute.

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Photo by Two Happy Lambs Photography (my sister!)

 

So what happened? I friendzoned him for a few months.

Why the hell did I do that? I don’t really know exactly. Sometimes I think I wasn’t used to the type of dynamic we had, and it threw me off. Sometimes I think I wasn’t that attracted to him at first, and our chemistry just hit me later for some reason. Sometimes I think that I thought I was ready for a serious relationship, but I actually wasn’t. I had just moved to a new city (like, a week before I met him), and I think I kind of ran scared. Maybe I needed to be single for a little longer in this new exciting city.

Whatever the reason, it seems like I made a choice not to fall in love with Anthony right away. Within a few weeks of dating (after the friendzone limbo was over), I said “I love you” (and he didn’t say it back for about 2 weeks – karma). So as soon as I let the idea sink in that he was the person I should be with, it took no time at all to fall in love.

One of our first pictures together
One of our first pictures together – we already look so young!!

 

Did I decide not to fall in love at first, and then change my mind? Did I deliberately fall in love when I wanted to? Do we have control over this kind of thing? Or am I just weird?

I started thinking of it in this way after I read this fascinating article from the NY Times. It just completely inspired me and blew my mind. I might go home and make Anthony answer all these questions just for fun. I love articles and topics like this – I was a social scientist in a past life, so I completely nerd out on this stuff.

I am dying to know what you think of this. Can we really just decide to fall in love? Or are we just victims of love’s whims and we have absolutely no control? Maybe a little of both?

Please weigh in in the comments!

 

 

 

4 Comments on Is falling in love a decision?

  1. Samantha
    January 14, 2015 at 4:43 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh my goodness, I met my boyfriend through OkCupid too!

    Our stories are so similar, it’s crazy! My boyfriend and I weren’t even looking for anything serious at the time, but our feelings gradually grew and I knew in my heart that I loved him.

    I think it’s different for every person but personally, I believe falling in love is equal parts controllable and uncontrollable.
    Xo,
    Samm

    Reply
    • Stephanie
      January 14, 2015 at 4:48 pm (3 years ago)

      Omigod, that was hilarious – I read this comment after thoroughly stalking your blog. Haha. It’s beautiful! And we have the OkC bfs in common. :)

      I think I agree with you – I think part of it is choice, and part of it is completely irrational and out of control.

      Thanks for visiting! I’m a new fan so I’m sure you’ll hear from me on your blog soon!

      Reply
  2. Nicole
    January 15, 2015 at 9:55 am (3 years ago)

    This is hilarious – Jesse and I friend-zoned each other for 6 months, finally started dating, I told him I loved him… and he reciprocated two weeks later due to superstition (we hadn’t been dating a month yet). I need to read the article!

    I think we weren’t ready for anything serious when we first met, and I definitely didn’t consider him my type. As we became friends, something finally just clicked in my head and his that maybe this was more. Once we went on that first date, I knew we would be together for a long time. I knew I WANTED to be with him for a long time – he is seriously the best person I’ve ever met, and every day I feel so lucky to be with someone so kind and thoughtful. So I think it is a bit of choice and timing :)

    Reply
    • Stephanie
      January 15, 2015 at 10:02 am (3 years ago)

      Aw I don’t think I’ve ever heard how you guys got together! So funny that he had a superstitious time frame for saying I love you, that’s great.

      I felt the same way – once I went on a second date with Anthony, 5 minutes in, boom. We’re gonna be a serious thing. I just had to get out of my head.

      Timing is definitely an important part of it all. Thank god timing was on our side! And we made the choice to tell the right guy we loved him before he got away. :)

      Reply

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