Welcome to the new series, Mélange à trois, where we will discuss life’s burning questions about life, love, and style. Have a question you just can’t find the answer to? Email me at email@example.com and we’ll talk about it!
My boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. His lease ended unexpectedly, so he moved in to my huge room in my house with other roommates. It wasn’t a huge deal since he was looking to buy a house soon and would probably only be there for a couple of weeks. Then a new roommate moved in to my house, and things got weird – they were constantly bringing over strangers and partying, doing coke in the house, and just making me feel really uncomfortable. Another one of our roommates is now leaving, and I am having less say in who we choose for the room. Then my boyfriend found a house, and we found ourselves asking: why don’t I just get out of here and move in with him? He was going to get a roommate anyway to help with the mortgage, and I couldn’t stay in this house anymore. It’s so early in our relationship, but the idea doesn’t scare me – we’re really serious, said I love you, and just know each other is the one. It’s really just the idea of what other people will think… Are we crazy?
No, you’re not crazy. I wouldn’t want to be in that house any more either, and if you are serious with your boyfriend, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to move in if it makes perfect practical sense. It sounds like the only thing keeping you from doing it would be what other people would think – which in my opinion, is never a good thing to base any decision off of.
But let’s talk it out –
Scenario 1: You don’t move in with him. In this case, you will feel a little creeped out at your own place all the time, and probably look for somewhere new to live – then you’ll have to deal with finding the money for a new deposit, hoping you’ll find a place that fits all your needs, etc…. And even if you do find another place, how long do you think you would actually live there before you would want to move in with your boyfriend anyway? Maybe 6 months, because being together for a year, then moving in, is more socially acceptable? Doesn’t sound that worth it to me. Moving is a pain in the ass – I try to avoid it as much as possible.
Scenario 2: You do move in with him, and it’s wonderful and yay and so easy and best landlord ever and they lived happily ever after.
Scenario 3: You move in and things go badly. You’ve only known him for a few months and you realize you didn’t know all these awful things about him and you fight and break up. Sounds awful to add living with someone on top of all the break up drama.
However – this could happen after a year, or two years, or ten years of living together. Sure, maybe you won’t get as many “I told you so”s from lame people who might judge you, but other than that – it will always suck.
I say, ask yourself what you would do in a vacuum – if you didn’t have to worry what other people thought. It sounds like in that case you would move in with him – so do it! If that’s the only thing that’s really in the “con” column, it doesn’t seem worth it to me to go against your gut.
What do you all think? Let us know in the comments below – especially if you disagree!
Have a question? Email firstname.lastname@example.org