Love & Dating

Making the Online Dating Plunge: Confessions of an Ex-OkCupider (Part 1)

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Every time someone asks me or Anthony how we met, there’s always this awkward pause where we kind of forget for a second and then laugh…then almost feel embarrassed telling them until we remember that it was awesome.

In that moment I also can’t help but think of the time we were sitting in the airport and some Rihanna song was playing that I wasn’t paying attention to (I was paying attention to “Running with Friends”, obviously). He started singing, then nudged me: “Hey, we fell in love in a hopeless place, babe.”

“What?”

“OkCupid.”

And I died laughing like I do just about every 20 minutes around that guy. Anyway.

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Anthony wasn’t the first relationship that happened because of OkCupid. Despite my jokes and the reputation of the free site, it actually worked really well for me. I had fun and got two real life relationships out of the thing. When I started I had just moved in with my sister, her husband, and their babies, so I needed something to distract me from feeling like a teen mom and a way to meet people in the area. I thought I would share some tips about why it seemed to work for me so you too could take the plunge. Sometimes you’re just super busy, just moved to a new city, or just want to have a beer with someone attractive that you don’t have to stalk down at a bar. So let’s do this.

Making a Profile

I was lucky to have my sister with me when I decided to make my profile, and she made it fun and a sort of social activity (instead of what I imagined- making it by myself sort of buzzed with a glass of wine at like midnight). I highly recommend doing it with a friend so you have someone to commiserate with.

Trying to sum myself up in a paragraph was an interesting task. All I could think of was, “I like beer.” Seriously. All of a sudden I realized that I had no interests or hobbies or anything. Everything I said sounded cheesy or totally untrue. But we came up with something that made me sound cool in the end, somehow. It drives me crazy that I don’t have what I wrote- me and Anthony enthusiastically deleted our profiles right when we became official, without thinking how hilariously awesome it would be to have our messages and profiles to look back on. We’re dumb. Anyway.

Here are a few tips from my experience when creating your profile:

1. Think of fun, quirky things about yourself that show your personality.

You don’t have to write your memoirs. But you can show what it might be like to hang out with you by giving them little snippets into your personality. For example, I jokingly described my random love for 90s R&B songs and mentioned my sister and how growing up with her sometimes makes me seem like I’m in my 30’s. You can intersperse important things about your life with fun, light things to make it feel less forced and cheesy.

2. Don’t answer all the sex questions that come up on OkCupid.

So, OkCupid has this thing where you can answer an almost infinite amount of questions so they can match you up with someone else based on your answers. This is actually a really fun and useful tool, especially when it comes to religion, politics, etc. If you have a good match percentage, you can expect to have that all out of the way and not step on a huge land mine of a disagreement during a date.

BUT, most of these questions are written by other OkCupid users. So of course there are a bunch of crazy, super personal, even sexist or racist questions all over the place. I loved to just go through a bazillion of these to keep me entertained, and sometimes it’s tempting to weigh in on a sex question or something a little more personal. If you answer a lot of those questions online, you are going to get some messages from what we all affectionately refer to as “creepers”. I only know this because a friend of mine created a profile around the time that I did, and I couldn’t figure out why she was getting all of these creepy messages and I wasn’t. The only difference was that she answered those questions and I didn’t. Not that she shouldn’t have, it’s just- now we know what the result could be.

3. Post pictures of the normal you.

I found that it was nice to show different sides of me in my photos, and not just my Vegas pictures where I’m all done up and ready to make trouble. I had one of me in yoga pants and a hoodie, hair in a bun, jumping in leaves with my nephew- along with a few pretty ones of course. Also, I would recommend having a full length shot (like the one of me jumping in leaves) to show not just your face. Gotta brag a little, right?

 Stay tuned for Part 2, where I will talk about messaging your many, many suitors… :)

Love Notes

Yes, Valentine’s Day just passed. However, romance isn’t dead the rest of the year! Don’t forget to add a little spark into the day of your special someone! Sending along a love note, even in it’s simplest form, is a memorable way to remind your sweetheart how much they mean to you. From, “I love you!” to “Can’t wait till you walk through the front door tonight!”, your Boo will definitely have a smile on their face. You can tuck a little note into their lunch bag, their jacket pocket, their briefcase, or tape it to the bathroom mirror. Get creative! Their heart will flutter, and they will surely think about you the rest of the day!

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Here are some links about love and dating that I’ve been into lately. (From left to right)

Marriage: Not a Cartoon

This is my very own sister’s amazing blog!! This article really made me think.

She also has the most adorable little kids that I harass regularly. Click around to find pictures of them- you won’t be disappointed.

On 19 Years of Marriage and Being a Hummingbird Enabler

I laughed. A lot.

The Savage Love Podcast

My boyfriend introduced me to Dan Savage when we first met and I’ve been addicted ever since. Great for road trips with your Person- Anthony and I always end up having great conversations inspired by Dan’s show.

(Image from here)

For all my single ladies: 30 Reasons It’s OK to Be Single at 30 (and Beyond)

My favorite book: Their Eyes Were Watching God

I adore this novel and how it describes how a woman feels about herself and love. Apparently you can also watch the entire movie on YouTube, if you want to see Halle Berry just being…insanely attractive in the most basic way possible. And there’s a really hot guy too.

What links are you loving right now?

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