With the wind at your back


Photo by Ian Keefe on Unsplash


Do you ever have those days where you look at your to-do list and your whole being just yells no?

“#1: No….#2: Noooo….#3: That’s a no…#4: HELL NO….#5: Not today cuz no….”

I have those days, a LOT. I have days where I can barely do anything productive at all, and days where I have just enough energy to do the bare minimum, or days when certain categories seem fine but others not – so I’ll clean my entire house but won’t be able to look at the emails I have to reply to.

Some days I’m fine with this, with no guilt whatsoever. But most of the time I’ll have to wrestle with at least some guilt or frustration that I can’t just muster up the mojo to get all the things done. Especially when I have a few days like these in a row – I start to think “all this will never get done in time – I’ll never ever get to these gross things on my to-do list, ever”.

My first reaction is to try and force myself to do it. Sometimes a little bargaining works – “just do this one small thing AT LEAST – then you can at least say you did SOMETHING today”. But sometimes my desire to ignore my to-do list is like an elephant, and I’m trying to just pick up one leg and move it an inch forward with no luck.

Then my whole day is about this battle, and how I’m failing, and I’m such a lazy person, etc. etc.

But, around this time last year, I started making a big effort to cut out the guilt. And it’s been working out great. I still have to take a moment and talk myself through it, but I am so much better at letting things like this go now. I also trust more in a pattern I know that I have – where I can put things off for a long time, to a point where it seems like disaster is just around the corner, but then have one super productive day and wipe it all out in one sitting.

My sister and I have tried to remind each other of this cycle over the years – we’ll call the other person and we’ll be convinced that this is our life now and we’ll never get anything done ever again. The other will bring up how we always come through eventually with a super productive streak, and there is just no use in worrying. Thank god for sisters.

We’ve both gotten better at trusting this cycle, but we’ve never had a name for it. Then the other day Mary goes “I just have to wait for the wind to be at my back, yunno?”

It was the perfect way to describe it. Everyone is different, but I know that for us, we will just make ourselves miserable if we try to do things before we are ready. Of course we can meet deadlines and all that, but when it comes to that boring adulting stuff, or work stuff that doesn’t have a deadline but you want off your list, etc. – if we try to get all that done on a day where it feels like a battle, then we’re just wasting a day. Our bodies and minds are telling us it needs to rest, even if it seems to make no sense to us. Regardless of the reason, it’s best to (as my sister said) “just chill in the boat and have a margarita”. When the wind comes back, things will be SO much easier, and you’ll go so much farther with a lot less effort than if you tried to move yesterday.

And isn’t that just more efficient? I know that eventually I will have one of those days where I wake up just READY to kick some ass. And I always surprise myself on those days with how much I can get done and how many names I can take.

Today is not one of those days. But today, I’m trusting what my past has proved to me – that eventually I WILL make those doctor appointments, or write that blog post, or finally clean the shower… No use in trying to move mountains when it will just make me cranky.

Wanna have a margarita with me while I wait?



To Do

So I was laying in bed last night, getting mentally prepared for another week, and I started obsessing over the things I want to get done. I thought I might share my to do list with you that I have been compiling lately – maybe it’s similar to yours?

  1. Cook at home more often
  2. Get a toned body
  3. Eat super healthy all the time
  4. Learn how to actually do my hair right
  5. Quit my job and blog and become internet-famous
  6. Know about all of the local, domestic, and foreign political issues
  7. Become an activist for women’s and minority rights and have an impact on the world
  8. Make my own cleaning supplies
  9. Produce no waste (like this chick)
  10. Learn how to keep plants alive


FullSizeRender (50)
My newest victim, who is now looking super depressed and wilty. In this picture it had no idea what type of person had its fate in her hands. Look how happy it was.


Ever since I’ve gotten back my normal energy and mood, I’ve been feeling great and wanting to tackle new goals. However, I also still enjoy binge watching shows on Netflix and doing nothing with my boyfriend at home. Plus I work full time. That leaves little time for all the things I want to do.

But seriously, do you guys ever feel this way? Like I know people who do alllll this amazing shit all the time and still have full time jobs like me. I guess I’ve never been the type of person to take on a lot – I really like having a lot of down time and I’ve always made that a priority. And I’m fine with that, until I have a moment as I’m trying to fall asleep where I get overwhelmed with all the things I’ve been wanting to do but haven’t done.

My two biggest things right now are blogging and working out. They are the two things that I want to do consistently and I have goals associated with – but they are also the two things I need to be the most careful about. I don’t want them to start to feel like work or something that I dread. I want to work it into a convenient schedule that feels natural – and I don’t want to beat myself up if I have a week or two where I just can’t mentally get myself to it. And now the two seem to be competing – if I have some time after work, it’s either work out or blog. I don’t want to slack on either, but I also don’t want to cut into my watching SVU and sleeping in time.

Sometimes all I want to do is come home from work and do absolutely nothing. How do you guys do it? What goals are you struggling to reach? I would love to hear how you manage it!




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